In a move that has sent shockwaves through the halls of Westfield High, the school's athletic department announced today that it will be implementing an Electoral College-style system for selecting team captains, starting with the basketball team.

The decision, which came after months of intense lobbying by the school's AP Government teacher and the Chess Club president, has been met with a mix of confusion and outrage from the student body, particularly among the jock demographic.

"I've been working on my jump shot since I was five, and now they're telling me I need to understand gerrymandering?" said junior point guard Tyler "The Dribble" Johnson, visibly confused. "I thought this was about putting the ball in the hoop, not coloring in maps."

Under the new system, each homeroom will be assigned a number of electors based on a complex formula involving class size, GPA averages, and inexplicably, the number of vending machines on each floor. The candidate with the most electors, not necessarily the most popular votes, will be named team captain.

Coach Bill "The Whistle" Thompson attempted to explain the new process during a team meeting, using basketballs to represent electors and the free-throw line as a swing state. His efforts were met with blank stares and one player asking if this meant they could foul out of the election.

Senior center Maria "The Post" Rodriguez expressed her frustration: "I've spent years perfecting my pick-and-roll, and now I need to master pick-the-electors? This is worse than when they made us learn the Pythagorean theorem for inbounding plays."

The move has sparked a flurry of unexpected political activity within the school. The Drama Club has already announced plans to form a Super PAC, while the Debate Team is offering its services as campaign managers for a starting price of five cafeteria cookies per consultation.

Meanwhile, some enterprising students have begun exploiting loopholes in the new system. Freshman benchwarmer Jimmy "The Waterboy" Smith was caught attempting to stuff the ballot box with Gatorade bottles, each bearing a crudely drawn smiley face he claimed represented a "hydration demographic."

As the school grapples with this new reality, one thing is clear: the path to athletic glory at Westfield High now runs through a labyrinth of political maneuvering that would make even the most seasoned Washington insiders break out in a full-court press of cold sweat.

When reached for comment, Principal Debra Stern simply sighed and said, "Maybe this will finally get them interested in Civics class. Or at least teach them that life isn't always a slam dunk."