In a groundbreaking move that has left both the tech and medical communities in a state of bewildered awe, Silicon Valley startup "HealthTech Labyrinth" has unveiled its revolutionary new healthcare app, "DiagnoSiS" (Diagnosis through Sisyphean Interface Struggles).

The app, which promises to diagnose a wide range of illnesses simply by analyzing the user's ability to navigate its intentionally confusing and frustrating user interface, has already secured $500 million in funding from venture capitalists who admitted they didn't understand the app but were "pretty sure it's the future of healthcare."

"We've combined the cutting-edge fields of user experience design and medical diagnostics," explained HealthTech Labyrinth's CEO, Dr. Ima Charlatan, during a press conference where journalists were required to use the app to ask questions. "Our proprietary algorithm correlates the user's click patterns, scroll speed, and frequency of exasperated sighs to determine their medical condition."

The app's main screen features a dizzying array of spinning icons, non-intuitive gestures, and buttons that disappear when hovered over. According to the company, users with the flu typically give up after 3 minutes, while those with migraines rarely make it past the login screen.

Medical professionals have expressed skepticism about the app's efficacy. Dr. Reason Able from the American Medical Association stated, "This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever... wait, why is the 'Schedule Appointment' button moving? And why do I suddenly feel like I have vertigo?"

Privacy advocates have raised concerns about the app's data collection practices, particularly its requirement for users to submit a DNA sample, three years of tax returns, and their deepest childhood fears before accessing the terms and conditions.

Despite these concerns, HealthTech Labyrinth is already planning its next product. "We're developing a fitness tracker that measures your cardiovascular health based on how quickly you throw it across the room in frustration," Dr. Charlatan revealed.

As of press time, this reporter was still trying to figure out how to exit the app, and had somehow accidentally ordered three MRI scans and a year's supply of multivitamins.