In a groundbreaking move that's set to disrupt the legal industry, TurpCo Industries has announced its latest innovation: "LawyerDrones." This cutting-edge LegalTech solution involves strapping fully qualified attorneys to state-of-the-art drones, allowing them to swoop into legal emergencies at a moment's notice.

"We're taking 'legal fly-bys' to a whole new level," explained TurpCo's newly appointed general counsel, Brock Legalese, while trying to untangle himself from a prototype drone's propellers. "Why wait for slow, earthbound lawyers when you can have rapid aerial legal support?"

The LawyerDrones, equipped with briefcases and powered by a proprietary blend of caffeine and artificial intelligence, promise to revolutionize legal services. Each drone comes with a built-in document printer, allowing lawyers to literally rain down subpoenas and contracts from above.

"Imagine you're about to sign a bad deal," Legalese continued, now precariously balancing on a hovering drone. "Suddenly, a wild LawyerDrone appears! Crisis averted. It's like Pokémon GO, but for legal advice."

Investors have responded with enthusiasm, with TurpCo's stock soaring faster than their airborne attorneys. "We're calling it 'uplift' instead of 'growth,'" chuckled CFO Penny Pincher, watching a test flight of suit-clad lawyers buzzing around the company parking lot.

However, the innovation has faced some turbulence. The FAA has expressed concerns about the potential for briefcase-related injuries to pedestrians, while the American Bar Association is grappling with new ethical guidelines for "aerial attorney-client privilege."

Despite these challenges, TurpCo remains optimistic. "We're already working on our next big thing," Legalese revealed, pointing to a group of lawyers attempting to squeeze into a submarine. "We call it 'DeepLegal.' It's perfect for those underwater contracts!"

As the interview concluded, Legalese excused himself to attend an urgent board meeting. He was last seen being airlifted by a LawyerDrone, frantically waving a motion to dismiss as he disappeared into the horizon.

In Silicon Valley, the race is now on to develop countermeasures, with several startups reportedly working on anti-aircraft legal defenses. As always, TechCrunch will keep you updated on this high-flying legal saga.